*Disclaimer* This post will contain some explicit language and drug content (and maybe some fantasy/revenge violence), but I hope it will make you laugh, make you cry, make you cringe, make you shiver, make you….you know what? Just read the damn story…
But..let’s try to Keep it Mello…(I found it to be an appropriate song for this piece)
Once upon a time, in a New Jersey apartment building there lived a young woman who just wanted to live in peace and sleep. Sleep…what wonders it will do for someone…but one day, near the 4th of July in 2017, a young couple moved in. They were…3G…
Picture me (the writer, the author of this piece), staring down (or out across towards a window, because my apartment is L-shaped) like the evil step-mother or evil queen or wait why do they even have to be evil? Anyways, you get what I mean. So I’m staring out my window at 3G…checking anxiously to see if that fucking kitchen light was left on all day again or if those fucking living room lights are on. If those living room lights are on, then shit is going down.
When they first moved in, I should’ve known it was an omen of what was to come. I’d be getting ready for work and I’d hear music in my bedroom coming from next door. I thought maybe they’re exercising? But…blasting music at like 7:30 am? Kinda rude. I even heard it in the hallway when I’d leave and lock my door. But…I just shook it off.
I saw the young guy from 3G one evening when I went to get my laundry in the basement. One look at him and I could see the Devil. Okay, maybe not The Devil, but a demon. I just got a bad vibe. He was probably only a few inches taller than me (and I’m 5’2 and a half, yes I am that height, so for those of you who do know me, no I am not taller, yes, it’s because my legs are long, but yeah, I’m on the shorter side for a woman). Can we get back to the story now?
You get the picture. No good I tell ya. No good. I had seen the girlfriend one time when she went down to get her laundry and she rudely did not hold the door open for me as I was going to my circus class, so I had to awkwardly follow her down the stairs, boring my eyes into her thinking, bitch. Look guys, it’s just rude when people don’t hold the door open for you. Sometimes, I even try when it’s that awkward distance. 😛
Let’s go to late summer 2017, I was watching (or trying) to watch The Prestige (have you ever seen that movie? If you like magic or anything with magicians, I highly recommend it), and it was the first of what was to come with parties. I live in an apartment building, not a dorm room and to be quite honest I never had noise issues when I lived in a dorm. Surprising, I know. This music was blasting to where my apartment shook and the singing…was HORRIBLE!! Ugh, imagine people trying to rap, because that’s all it was. Eminem wannabes all the way. I started to call the guy (in my mind) Marshall Mathers. This party started around 10:30 pm and to be honest, I can’t remember the exact time it ended nor when I called my landlady, but it was late. That was the first of many calls to my landlady, sadly.
There was another get-together a few weekends later that I had woken up to around 3 am from the hallway door slamming and you guessed it, they decided to blast shitty music. This went on until about 6 am. Mind you, my bedroom was right next to their living room wall. Called my landlady again and then it went quiet from the Fall into Winter. I found out (from my landlady) the couple broke up and now it was just the guy living there. Hmm…maybe that’s why it’s been quiet.
It had been quiet. Trust me, but in March 2018, it began again and this time, he got two more ladies along with the one who he was already chained to.
You see, my readers, 3G would go outside and smoke cigarettes. Honestly, it was sad to me to see someone young being chained to that, but this gets darker.
In the beginning of March 2018, we had a snowstorm on a Tuesday night (yes, a Tuesday night, meaning a weeknight…so people usually have to work-whether at home or actually go out unless you’re a lucky bitch who gets snow days…but I ain’t trippin…) I was woken up to voices around 11 pm and the smell of marijuana. Mary Jane was his second girlfriend along with Ms. Cigs. Mary Jane filled my bedroom and I was like hell no I do not pay rent to sleep in this cloud. So I thought, let me be the one to go over there and say something before calling my landlady. I had heard some people leave (unfortunately, 3G has cronies on the 1st floor of my building), so they went back downstairs and said they’d be back. I thought the hell you are and here’s my chance. I put on my robe and walked down the hallway in my doggy print pajamas (because I am a sexy 25 (soon to be 26 in July) woman) and I rang the doorbell. 3G opens his door and eyes were glazed as can be (more glazed than a glazed donut) and I had sussplained (explained) to him my bedroom is right over his living room wall and I’m trying to sleep. He was happy I wasn’t our landlady ringing his doorbell, because I won’t lie, she loves me, but picture The Trunchbull from Matilda, so he “apologized” and then told me goodnight. Of course, nothing changed, so who do I call? You guessed it! My landlady. All I thought was indeed, it shall be a goodnight. I can hear the elevator and it’s like Pink’s song, Get the Party Started when she sings “I’m coming up so you better get this party started…” That’s right, 3G, our landlady is coming up so you bet your ass the party is just getting started…
I had found out from my landlady after that night 3G wasn’t just high on marijuana, but cocaine as well. So Snow White was another lady friend of his I thought. Well this wicked queen is going to put an end to all this shit. In my reign and kingdom, 3G you are going down. My lack of sleep and anxiety was horrible. During that same night when my landlady broke up the party and kicked him and his friends out, I had heard my neighbor come back into his apartment for last minute items before leaving and he started to throw things and hit the wall that was against my bedroom. This was around 3 am. I was terrified for my life thinking he’s going to either break into my wall or come to my front door. Oh God, what do I do if he tries to break into my apartment? I was shaking. My body shook in my bed and I was frozen with my hands locked together in prayer position. I eventually drifted off to sleep and had a vivid dream 3G did break into my apartment. He was sitting in my bedroom. I woke up in a panic.
I watched my back that week. I was scared to leave my apartment. I was terrified seeing his big, black, obnoxious truck in the parking lot knowing he was home. The week after that, the night before St. Patrick’s Day, it was around 5:30 pm and he was singing so loud and blasting music in his living room. As if it were a game being played. After I had come home from my circus class later that same night, I saw those living room lights on when I drove in and said “Fuck!” to myself. He did indeed have people over that night, but no music. They left around 11 pm and I thought they were gone for good. Of course not. I was woken up AGAIN around 1 am. They were so loud and obnoxious with their conversations. His friends knew it was me too being their “enemy,” but in all fairness, before any of you reading pass judgment on me, the neighbors below him had complained too. I could hear them talk about not wanting to wake me up. I was called a bitch many times in their conversations. In the end, I felt flattered they felt threatened by me.
He never learned his lesson and had his cronies over one last time in the middle of April-well…guests that he invited. I could hear them breaking up Snow White into tiny pieces (yes, that’s how thin my walls are) and all I thought was not again. Fuck this. So I called my landlady and I heard the comfort of the elevator coming up and then ding-dong! I then heard 3G’s voice say “What the fuuuckk?” Oh, if only you all had been there. It was perfect timing like a movie since I was just ending their fun at the right moment.
I seriously thought that had been the end of it since my landlady told me she wouldn’t renew his lease and he’d be out July 1st. I really did, but there had to be some final act. I had anxiety all those weeks and weekends the rest of March and April, because I didn’t know if I’d be woken up and my sleep would be impacted. Even during my circus showcase back in March I had anxiety the whole night (yes, I was nervous/excited for performing), but I was so anxious I’d see those fucking living room lights on when I got home since it was a Friday night. Luckily, nothing did happen that night.
The last weekend in April, was another terrifying moment. This time, he did not invite guests over, but two men showed up for him for what I’m guessing dealt with Mary Jane and/or (most likely) Snow White. It was around 10-10:30 when I heard 3G leaving and talking to some people in the stairwell. About an hour later, I was in my bedroom and heard two guys come out of the stairwell and run down the hallway. There was a huge BOOM!!!! and my bedroom shook. I then heard one cry out to 3G he better wake up and open up the door or they were going to break down his door. I froze, I had no idea what to do. I then heard Tweedle Dee to Tweedle Dum say he’d go upstairs to the roof and down the fire escape and try to break into the window, that way while Tweedle Dum would try to break down the door. They were going to huff and puff and blow the whole apartment down. Little Red Riding Hood reference, couldn’t help myself. I quickly got up and turned my bedroom light off and ran into my kitchen. Remember from the beginning of the story how my apartment is L-shaped?? Well, I peered out from my kitchen window blinds and to my surprise I saw not Santa Claus, but a young man climbing down the fire escape ladder that’s right in front of my bedroom windows. I saw he hesitated (maybe realizing he wasn’t too sure now of who’s windows were who’s) and so he clambered back up the ladder. Meanwhile, I was on the phone again with my landlady. Unfortunately, by the time the damn elevator made it up, the bandits were gone.
And so, my dear readers, that’s the end. The end of the adventure with 3G. I’m happy to say since that scary night of a man trying to be Santa Claus, no other activity went on. I would see 3G around, we’d even get home from work at the same time, but he’d wait for me to get into the building before he would make his way in. I did have visions of maybe “accidentally” opening the door and Oh I’m sorry! Did I hit you? or Oh no…he fell down the stairs…jk, I’m jk!!!!
With the anger and annoyance I had towards 3G, there was a slight (I mean very slight) flicker of compassion. When I’d see him out there smoking his cigarettes (and I almost hit him twice with my car, because officer I swear he jumped in front of my car, I wasn’t Cruella de Ville or one of the Weasels from Who Framed Roger Rabbit saying “I’m gonna ram him!”) I felt bad. I felt bad for someone who depended on a flame that should’ve been inside of him for hope, but was on the end of a cigarette butt instead. To have that chain and then to have the addiction to Mary Jane, Snow White, and drinking, is sad to me. It may surprise you readers and even him, I prayed for him. Once, once, let’s not get carried away. But, I did say to God that I hope one day maybe he could clean up his act, but you just never know with the power those items have over someone. Those were 3G’s idols. He may learn the hard way, but at least he had someone who did look at him with compassion, for about 5 minutes, then I would look at my calendar and see how many days were left until his ass was out. He was honestly quiet, when it wasn’t his idols and dumb ass friends that would change him. He was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I wouldn’t have had an issue with him, but he chose to act like a little shit and well, he’s gone.
It’s July 1st. I kept telling myself this was going to be a magical day. The Queen banished 3G from the castle and the kingdom. I am The Queen and do not mess with my beauty sleep.
End note: I do live in a very nice apartment building. I am thankful for my landlady for helping me with this past year and it is a safe place to live along with a safe neighborhood. Just sometimes, bad apples end up in castles, even when there’s a moat and drawbridge, they just find their way in. Us Queens know how to clean house though. 😉